Grief Therapy #2 says:"Be open to the pain of yourbroken heart. God---and caringpeople---will enter through itsbrokenness."
While I'm very aware that God's presence is surrounding me, comforting me, insulating me, and providing for me, I feel separated, or "detached" from the intimacy of personal relationship with Him right now. I blame myself. I haven't devoted myself to seeking Him, I haven't been putting Him "first". I know. I have been absorbed with something overwhelming; it's true, but it's not an excuse. Relationships cannot be assumed or taken for granted. Sometimes I think I take my relationship with Jesus for granted - He's so much a part of me, and I of Him; but, like all neglected relationships, attention wanders to more "immediate" things and passion cools and eventually grows cold. The "other" moves on and suddenly you feel left behind. You begin to wonder what you need to do to catch up ... to restore relationship and intimacy.
In Revelation chapter 2, the Spirit addresses this when He says: "I know your deeds and your perseverance ... you have persevered and have endured hardships for my name and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love. Remember the height from which you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first." That's where I find myself now: remembering the intimacy I had with the Lord, and desperately wanting to find that again. And He tells me how I can - do the things I did at first ... repent, believe, seek Him, trust Him, love Him. I've lost my husband. The Lord is my husband now. I need Him more now than ever. He will enter in through my brokenness.
And caring people ... so many caring people have and continue to enter in through our brokenness and pour out their love and concern! We are so thankful for all of those who have prayed, listened, and given of their time and talents to care for us!
When you talked about the kids and you remaining there in the shadow of death, (Psalm 23 blog) I found this in the book I'm reading now. In the book, "How to be Like Jesus," a passage from Dwight L. Moody (evangelist & educator) says, "The valley of the shadow of death holds no darkness for the child of God. There must be light, or else there could be no shadow. Jesus is the light. He has overcome death." To me this means that Jesus is really shedding his light over you and the kids during this time. He is really with you and watching over you as He promises.
ReplyDeleteWhat a good thought, Dawn! "If we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."
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